I have sat down with my computer many times to write, began a sentence, then quickly erased it and closed my computer. To be honest, I have been discouraged and not wanting to write. I never want to be fake or make things sound better than they are. To be honest I am contemplating shutting the computer now...but on I write.
Things have been tough lately. As many of you know my sister-in-law just had a beautiful baby boy named Oliver a few weeks ago. My sister is due in July with a baby boy. Her shower was this weekend and it was really hard for me to miss. And my best friend is pregnant with twins. I feel like I am missing so much! Oliver will probably be running marathons by the time I get home and Bethany’s baby will be able to understand that I am the girl that lives in the computer. Okay, over exaggeration, but I just feel like I am going to miss so much.
One top of all of these normal feelings of missing home, Sparrow’s Nest has been closed for some time now. We have had lice, rubella, and whooping cough spread around our staff and our kids. We were closed for a Cambodian holiday then stayed closed due to all the contagious illnesses. At first it was nice having some time to relax, but after a while I began to get discouraged. I am here missing baby showers and mothers day and not even working. I kept asking myself why I am even here. Not only asking myself but asking God over and over again.
It will be great to get back to work and be with our kids. Today I needed to see them so Jesse and I walked to where they live on the street. In a short twenty minuet span I meet a new family that wants to come tomorrow, talked to our kids about not begging from foreigners (they were in the process when I showed up), and got pused on by an open soar. I couldn’t stop laughing. This may give you a glimpse of why we needed time off but it also reminds me of how precious these children are and how dull my life is without them pusing on me!
I know I am in a funk because of everything going on at home and also not being at work. But these last few weeks have been really tough on both Jesse and I. Constant diarrhea and lice make a tough day even worse. Please pray for both Jesse and I. We are in a season of making tough decisions and we are praying for the Lords will to be done. We want to serve him and learn as much as we can while he has us here.
Thank you for your prayers.