I'm dealing with this strange feeling of uselessness. Jesse is busy working, trying to save up enough money for us to leave for Cambodia, and I am stuck without a job at home. The only time I have not had a job in the last fiveish years was for about 3 months during grad school. I feel extremely lazy and unproductive. I think the toughest thing is that I know my calling and I know what I am supposed to be doing with my life. At home I just don't feel like I am pursuing God's call for my life. I know this is just a phase of ministry that all missionaries have to go through, but I never knew it would be this tough.
Jesse encourages me and says that my job now is to be raising support via emails and contacting people, but it seems like I am bad at that as well. I learned that I hate asking people for money. It is so awkward and I don't want people to think that I am using them just to make a few bucks. Different pastors and friends have encouraged me that people like helping and that people are happy to give. I know this is true but it doesn't make asking any easier. If you have any advice about how to approach support raising please let me know.