As i sit upstairs and prepare myself for El Colli I begin to doubt. Not doubt like most of you may be thinking. I am not doubting selling all my belongings and moving to Mexico. I am not doubting leaving my family and friends, although I miss them terribly. I am not doubting fulfilling the call God put on my life as a young girl. I am doubting my ability to do what God has called me to do.
Take Club de Amigos for example. Club de Amigos takes place in the small colony of El Colli. El Colli is the town most people would think of when they think of Mexico. It has dirt roads, venders in the street, dogs wondering around, and hurting and lost people. I enjoy El Colli because we get to go out there twice a week. First on Wednesdays for Meta, a tutoring time with the kids, and second on Saturday for Club de Amigos. Club de Amigos is our big weekly outreach. We do games, a story, verse, songs, its the whole Ministry package.
Every Thursday we meet and practice for Saturday. Here Hannah and I, another leader, take time to help the students reach their full potential. I do not doubt that I can teach some valuable things to our Engage students. I do not know everything and I am far from the best Children's Pastor in the world. I will leave that up to Brent and Kevin. But I do think I have learned a lot to help these students.
The doubt comes the day of Cub de Amigos. I want to show the Engage students how to affectively lead kids into worship, or affectively lead a game with seventy out of control sixth graders. However, my Spanish is far from perfect to help in front of the kids at Club de Amigos. It leaves me in the back biting my nails wanting to get upfront and help.
This feeling is discouraging to me. It makes me doubt my ability as a leader. I was always taught to lead by example. Well, the way I learned how to lead worship for kids is I watched Tiffany Geer do it every Sunday. Then I took the leap and started doing it myself. I was open to suggestions and took what my leaders said and changed what I needed to change. That is how I learned. How can I teach the Engage students how to be affective in their ministries if I cant fist show them.
This is where God comes in. I began to doubt myself and my talents as a leader, but God is continually reminding me that I am here for a reason. God has me and Jesse here to be used, not to doubt our abilities. This is something I have to remind myself of every time I step outside my doors. I may not be able to stand in front of the kids at Club de Amigos, but I can use my gifts to help these students grow in their abilities and gifts God has given them. We have some talented students and they are only going to keep developing their skills God has given them. I need to stop doubting and start trusting!!